Once again, I check the situation in the children’s room. There is not a single wrinkle on the bed! Everything you would need is right in its place.

This is the day. Finally! Postponed a few times due to different reasons, the day that changed a few human destinies. The day I will see and touch you for the very first time. The day I will start leading you to better life!

I had really limited information about you. The only thing I knew was your name, your age and that you had spent your 11 months on this Earth in a nightmare.

Travelling to you was long … 70km, but seemed more like 700. My heart was beating madly, I was shaking, and there was a storm of emotions raging within me. I heard the social workers say “Calm down, we are absolutely sure you can do it!”

We arrived. “Kind” women welcomed us. My eyes were looking for you. Would you like me? I wanted to take you away from the dark room, smelling of disinfectant as fast as possible.

I found you . . . there, in the corner, on a chipped wooden stool starring into nothingness. I wanted to run to you but I crept up timidly. I did not want to scare you.

You looked like a rag doll, which a mischievous child had dragged through dust and puddles and weighed about as much as one too. With a shapeless little head and huge dark eyes with no spark in them. I wanted to change your clothes by myself. I lifted you up and you buried your hands in my hair (it was your favorite toy right to the end). My hands started shaking more and more and I got angry at myself for choosing such a complicated outfit with all its ribbons and buttons. I had the feeling everyone was staring at me and evaluating me as a foster parent.

Someone once sung a song “The Long Road Home” – “The world is changing fast and there is no time for sorrow. . .”

There at home your new family was waiting for you (all be it a foster one), ready to give you lots of love and protection, all those people to whom you gave a lot of valuable lessons.

Your foster sister who learned a mother’s heart can love many children with no distinction between them, who little by little understood that kids are kids no matter their ethnic origin or disability. The only thing they need is love. When you really needed a lot of care and attention she was neglected, but instead of being upset she asked how she too could help you. She did this, because she realized that a lot of effort is needed for a shattered soul to be put back together.

Your foster grandmother and grandfather were expecting you as well. Can you remember how much they supported us in the hard months? What about the tears of joy in their eyes? Yes, we did cry a lot when you first stood on your feet. We had been waiting for this moment for so long. Daily rehabilitation and many exercises at home month after month gave a result. I was leading you on the way of healing.

From someone in a vegetative state, underdeveloped in every possible way you became a little babbler, shining with happiness. You were marvelous! Actually you were the reason my parents wanted to become a foster family.

Do you remember our favorite game? We loved wrestling. J I am alive today thanks to this game. I will always remember the day you hit me hard in the chest. It hurt, I put my hand in that place and discovered something, which made me go through the nine circles of Hell. Thanks to you I discovered I had a disease in me that meant I had to fight for my life. Until that moment I was leading you, after that you began to lead me!

The love you and my biological daughter gave me made me strong. I promised you I would make it and I did, because you were leading me!

I entered your life to save you, but in the end you saved mine!

Autor: Tsvetelina Radulova, foster parent